Baby Brains

Four and a half years ago, I signed up to foster preschoolers to early elementary aged kiddos. I don't remember now what my rationale was.  Probably a bit of "babies are boring" and a bit of "I know how to work with preschoolers better." I dunno.  I do know that I didn't have the insight that I have now on what it is going to be like to say goodbye to the babies in the house and there are moments where I think that alone would keep me from doing this again. (Though I know in the end, it'll really do the opposite...MAKE me do it again).

So here it is.  Two kids have lived here literally HALF OF THEIR LIVES. I am their mamma.  They run out of the CPS office, from the arms of their mothers, into my arms screaming "MOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY." They contently go to their bio moms, yes. But they RUN to me.

The older girls "get" this...to some degree, thanks to some very open discussions.  They understand why they are here, that it's a temporary thing, that soon they won't be here anymore. There is anxiety and there are worries. We can work through these because we can talk about things.

But how do you tell that to a baby or toddler who thinks you are IT?

You don't.

You hope in your heart of hearts that all that scientific stuff you read about neural pathways and developing connections and the ability to attach is right.  You hope that even though they won't remember your face or anything you did with them, they will remember the feelings they had living here--what it feels like to be loved, attended to at all times, adored. And you hope more than anything that someone will take up where you left off.