Settling into Second Place

I have more than once read that adoption is the distant second place to staying (or returning) to one's family of origin. Distant. Second.


So we are here. Roughly four months past our adoptions and we are settling into second. I was worried with Junebug's exit that the kids would think they were leaving. Or wish they were leaving. Or wonder why things worked out differently for them than for her. None of that has happened so far as best I can tell. Instead, they keep bugging for another "friend".

Second place feels pretty much the same as fostering the three amigos for the most part. Except seeing their new last name still weirds me out. Except we don't have people visiting us every month and I can leave meds unlocked for now. Except that behaviors and challenges have moved OUT with 26 other children, but for these three, we get to plow through everything and hope that we do our best in working through all that we have on our plate.

We went to the "haircut store" tonight where everyone knows the kids' names, asks permission if they can offer the kids candy because they know I am a stickler, lets them go back behind the counter to watch more closely. The manager treats Speed as though he is the king for the 5 minutes it takes her to shave his head. Sunshine is plotting to work there when she is "a big girl" because she wants to sweep up all the hair. (ick) Every time one of them plans what they are going to do when they get bigger/grow up, I think: Yup, and I will get to see you do that.

Second place sucks only in that it shouldn't even exist. For the kids, first place should have been a given. When first place failed once, people should have rallied to make first place work. I imagine all of us will have to process that failure of the Firsts for the rest of our lives. But now that we are here, I think second is a perfect place to snuggle in and see what our lives will hold, regardless of how losing first has affected all four of us.