FAQ #5

It's pretty uncommon for someone to figure out what kind of family we are and not ask the #1 FAQ: Isn't it hard to let them go?.  It's becoming increasingly common for people to just say:  Isn't it hard?  I'm not always sure what "it" is when asked this.  Is "it" parenting 4 kids? Is "it" fostering? Is "it" dealing with a 3 year old throwing a tantrum in the middle of Target?  Is "it" being a single parent? The true answer to all of those interpretations is "yes".  It is hard.  The truth is that there is an aspect of this life that is so unnatural, so completely unbearable, that I can only bury myself in the stuff that is fun.  The truth is there is not a night that goes by that I don't wonder how 18 other kids are doing and if they are being treated right. Or a night that goes by that I don't stand over at least one kid's bed and wish that I knew they'd be here in a year.  The truth is it's terrifying to know why kids were pulled and to know that is what they are going back to.  The truth is that visits three times a week and DNA tests are things that no child should have on their to-do list. The truth is that it occurred to me today that the girls don't seem to realize this is a temporary gig and that one day the two who have become inseparable best friends won't see each other again.

But the truth is also that if I can get myself to participate in the moment rather than anticipate the ending, we are having a damn good time. The truth is 30 minutes playing with masking tape, dinner in cow costumes, crazy storybook routines that are exactly the same every night, and a 20 month old who sings the dragon's refrain from Pete's Dragon's I love you song is fun and rewarding and so worth it.

But yes, it is hard.