Splish Splash

A little rain never hurts.

Two Weeks In

This is my Facebook status today, in honor of one friend who likes to "keep it real" by announcing her parenting flaws:

Realities #1-6: 1. One of my kids spent 10 1/2 hrs in daycare today. 2. Our awesome pediatrician felt so bad for me carrying two kids who just had at least 5 pokes each out of her office that she carried one all the way to my car and even buckled her in. 3. I fed my kids fast food for dinner. 4. And canned pears. 5. And at the advice of a specialist we see, I let one kid DRINK THE HEAVY SYRUP from the pears. and 6. My baby will go not only to school tomorrow, but also to a bio visit looking TOTALLY like a white woman is raising her bc I didn't have time to finish her hair.

And this is my new profile picture:

We are doing this fostercare thing in style. We hit the ground running at almost midnight two weeks ago and haven't stopped since.

Welcome Speed, my handsome three-year-old, who doesn't talk much and was recently described by someone as "a darter." Keep your eye on this boy. Not just because if you turn your back he's run way far away from you, but because he's going to move fast in the healing process. I see the sparkle in his eye every now and again and just know it.

Welcome Sunshine, my darling two-year-old, whose real name is the most fitting name for her ever. Sunshine saves her words for rare instances. She is an observer who pops into our play and conversation at her own pace. She is mama to our baby. She is mama to our brother. She is learning to be two.

Welcome Chickadee, my adorable 12 month old, who is as teeny as they come. She has humongous eyes that watch us all. She gives bear hugs around my neck. She loves the carrier. She eats like a football player.

There was a time not long ago where kids were put here to stay. Not once, but twice. I have a healing house for bio moms, I guess. There was also a time not long ago when my focus changed from what I wanted for the kids to what I wanted for me.

It all felt wrong.

So here we are again. Loving on other people's babies while they can't. Showing kids how to go down slides and make bubbles out of soap on their hands. Teaching them ABCs, 123s, This Little Piggy, and the Itsy Bitsy Spider. Accepting that they probably aren't here to stay but adoring every minute of every bit of them while they are here.

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Bug and Beignet, Summer 2009

Early Literacy

All I Really Need to Know...

Reposting this from August 2011 because this week, it's all I need. Well, that and a trip to the bathroom without a baby strapped to my body:

All I Really Need to Know I Learned Fostering

Never say never.
Buy different character undies for each child...the sorting will be easier.
Don't try to sweep up rice right after dinner. It's much easier when it's dry.
Vague answers to strangers about who you are, who your kids are, and why things don't always match up are entirely appropriate and acceptable.
Three year olds like bibs too.  And stroller rides.  And to be held.
You can make your point known...whether it's an I love you or a get down from there this instant...regardless of what your child's primary language is.
It ain't over till the fat lady sings.  Or the judge hits her gavel.
Find the source of what really angers you.  It's likely not a backtalking three year old.  It's more likely that that backtalking three year old will one day walk out the door.  Or even more likely that that backtalking three year old wasn't treated right in a previous life.
Just when you thought you've heard it all, you realize you haven't.
There are great gifts to be had in caseworkers, fellow foster parents, visiting children, CASAs and therapists.
Many, many people out there are interested in fostering.  Not enough do it.
It's easy to forget the good stuff, so write it down.  Fortunately, sometimes it's possible to forget the bad stuff too, so don't bother documenting that.
We are all human. Even bio parents.
But not all humans should be raising kids.
At the end of the ride, my kids will not remember me unless their families remind them.  They are too young. They will hopefully remember that they were loved by an additional momma during their time here. It's my choice to believe that part.
It's also my choice to believe that no matter how horrific the beginning, the ending will be a good one.  It's called Faith.
Good endings can look like different things.
A day without vegetables kills no one.  Nor does a trip to Chuck E. Cheese.
Keep extra toothbrushes on hand.  And lice shampoo.
It really does take a village to raise a child.
A full night's sleep is sometimes overrated.  A chance to pat someone to bed or to sing them one more song is not.
The word "hurry" carries no meaning to the under five crowd.
There's no need to point out a lie.  The liar is aware.
Blood is easier to clean than vomit.  Especially at 1 a.m.
If you say it enough times, they'll listen.
If you say it even more times, they'll repeat it.
Make it worth repeating.
There's a reason God inspired someone to invent paper plates.
School serves hot lunch.  If you don't make a hot dinner every night, no one cares.
Masking tape, bubble wrap and shaving cream are all really cheap, really entertaining ways to keep kids busy.
Sometimes not being in control is a good, good thing.
Love them like they're staying forever.  Treasure them like they're leaving tomorrow.

Trauma Informed Care

This picture was in a power point for a training from CPS regarding working with kids who have suffered trauma. The only thing that would make it creepier would be a baby doll in place of one of those animals. Look at the bird's creepy feet even.



Now who's traumatized?

Peanut's Ten

And this marks my 25th list of ten.

The thing about two year olds is that they change so much. Over a week, over a month. Peanut was such a baby when she came, but was well on her way to holding her own ground when she walked out. It was a delight to see her grow into her personality.

Peanut:
10. Adored baby dolls. She laid them all face down, covered them with whatever she could find, and sat between them patting patting patting their backs till they fell asleep.
9. Had a pair of footies with monkeys on them that were her first pick if they were clean.
8. Was a bit of a shoe whore. Had different names for some of her shoes that surely no one but us would understand. For instance, her "Halloween shoes" were named so because the first time she wore them was with her witch costume.
7. Toward the end, was happy to tell anyone that she has two mommies. If you listened long enough, she'd tell you a little bit about each of us. I was the one who read stories and made brownies.
6. Loved chapstick almost as much as GG did.
5. Rode in the stroller to take D to school every day. When Buddy was here, we took the double. When he left, she moved to a green umbrella stroller. This change was soooo unsettling for her, but after a while, she understood "Two babies, big stroller. Only me, my green stroller."
4. From October 10 onward, never let a day go by without saying: "I go Chuck E Cheese my birthday. So fun."
3. Developed a solid explanation regarding Santa's habits when it wasn't the Christmas season. "Santa go North Pole. Go night night. Eat dinner. Say "hellooooo elf"...."
2. Could have stayed in the bathtub all night every night if allowed. It didn't matter if she had an empty bottle, bath crayons, or a tub full of plastic eggs. She was as content as could be.
1. Ate Rice Krispies every single morning. The only time she didn't was if we happened to run out mid week. Many mornings, the first words from her mouth were: I eat Pisspeas?

I wish I would be able to see Peanut in a few years. If the past six months are any indication, she's going to be a very independent, very chatty little girl.

I'll miss you, Peanut, from your squeaky little voice to your tiny little toes!

Little D's Ten

D and Peanut moved on yesterday, leaving crickets chirping at my house. D waited so so long for his turn to move and was beyond excited to walk out the door.

Little D (who I never really called Little D but who readily responded to just D):
10.  Wore his necktie that he got for Christmas every single day with every single shirt till well past Valentine's Day.
9. Had a bit of an obsession with his hair. When it was short, he wanted it long so he could have a mohawk. When it was long, he wanted it short so he could look like the Sisters' dad.
8. Never grew tired of the word "SURE".
7. Was proud of the fact that you could feed him "anything except cooked spinach, and I'll be sure to eat it."
6. Loved Stubby. So very much. When I told him he was leaving, that was his one disappointment: "But I'm really going to miss Stubby." When we were saying good-bye in the driveway, he asked if he could come back in to say good-bye one more time.
5. Could entertain himself with an action figure or lego guy for a solid hour.
4 1/2. Was one of two peas in a pod around Big Sister. They acted like they'd known each other since birth and neverrrrrr shut up in the back of the car when they saw each other.
4. Sang a prayer that he learned at daycare every day before he ate. Whether we were listening or not. Whether he had already started to eat or not. Sometimes at the end of his meal instead of the beginning. I drew the line at him singing it with his mouth stuffed with mini-wheats one day.
3. Left a Diet Coke out for Santa on Christmas Eve because "you know, he's gonna have to stay up real late to get us all those presents."
2. Loved riding his bike to school. Before he enrolled in school, we had to do a "practice run" so he knew he could do it. As long as weather permitted, we were the ones trucking up Westgate at 7:15 a.m. every morning.
1. Was a fantastic big brother. To Peanut. To Buddy. And I'm sure to his baby sister when he saw her too.

Be your best you, D. Don't forget to come find me when you're all grown up. I'll love you still.