Haircare 101

I attended a 2 hour workshop titled "African American Haircare" in the spring. It was highly likely that I would need that skill at some point. Now I do. This is some of what I have learned:
1. Rinse child's hair.
2. Put leave in conditioner in child's hair.
3. Carefully comb out every knot without ripping a single hair from her head.
4. Loosely braid hair down back for bedtime.
5. Wake up in the morning to find that child "got bored" while falling asleep and took her protect-me-from-the-rat's-nest loose braids out.
6. Attempt to remove rat's nest from hair.
7. Ask Sass to fetch scissors.

Clearly, we are still working on the hair care thing....

Emerging from the Turtle Shell

Little one, who still has no nickname that has stuck, is beginning to stick her little head out of her shell. Her little turtle neck has stretched a bit this week to try her first day of school (loves it, but not the work), her first ever shower (loves it too, but not the water on the head part), and her first brussel sprout (gotta start 'em early, I have learned). As with the rest, she is figuring out who she is, who "we" are. I have been told that she has told several that "Tammy is not my real mommy. My mommy is in jail." She put me through 20 questions earlier this week about why Sass lives here and where her mommy is. She's figuring it out. And Sass and I continue to figure her out. Just gotta come up with a nickname now.

Color

Most days, I am naive enough to think that children do not see color. Sass, for instance, describes the only African American girl in her class as "the one with beads." But in a room of foster children, where almost everyone is in a "multi-colored" family, it's pretty clear that the kids recognize color.

Sass and I have slowly come to the realization that it is, in fact, easier to just say we are a mother-daughter pair. We look enough alike. The fact that she calls me by my first name is still a puzzle to the average bear, but we can usually escape questions this way. Now, though, with our petite friend, we have become a family that doesn't really look like a normal family.

Four foster sisters at tonight's support group sat by us for dinner. They represent three different ethnicities. "Are you her mom?" one asks me while pointing to Sass. "Yes." "Well, are you HER mom?" she asks, pointing to Petite. "Yup." "Well, how can that be? You aren't all the same color?"

This is the same girl who, when I asked her foster sister dressed in a Cheetah girl costume which Cheetah girl she is, interjected: Well, DUH! The BLACK one!

So much for my theory....

The Newest Critter

To mark my one year anniversary of fostering, Lutheran Social Services gave me a present: another critter. This one arrived yesterday, tie-dyed teddy bear in tow. While most times in the past 24 hours, she has had the deer-in-headlights why-am-I-here look, she has let her four-year-old personality come out in a few ways:
"Oh no, I do NOT eat beef." she says as she stuffs a beef corndog into her mouth.
"I don't drink Sprite anymore. I stopped that a long time ago."
"Wow, I LIKE brushing my teeth!"
"It was fun today when we ate pizza and dessert."
And at 8:30 this morning, "You two," she tells Sass and me, "it is WAY too early to be up in the morning."

Just wait till a school day rolls around......

Numbers

1 year of fostering
Calls on 58 children
Ranging in age from 6 months to 14 years
31 boys
27 girls
9 kids in my house
7 boys
2 girls
Ranging in age from 21 months to 9 years old
Staying 4 days to 3 1/2 months
All in 1 year

Overheard

On the daycare playground:

Friend: Is that your mom?
Sass: Yeah, that's Tammy.
Friend: But is she your mom?
Sass: Yeah, that's Tammy.
Friend: But is Tammy your mom?
Sass: Friend! Aren't you listening? I said that's Tammy!!

End of discussion, likely leaving a 2nd grade friend a bit puzzled.

At the CPS office:
Caseworker: What's your favorite thing about living at Tammy's?
Sass: I have a bedtime.

The Other Mothers

Miss Sassafras had a visit with her mother today. It was the first visit she has had in the more-than-two-months she has been here. She was nervous----finger picking, sitting up straight, silent for the whole car ride kind of nervous. What if my mom is mad at me? What if she doesn't come? All valid concerns for this 7 year old. As it turns out though, she DID come and she WASN'T mad, and that was all we needed--for today.

As I sat in the waiting room, I thought about meeting the mamas of my kiddos. I have met the mother, and sometimes the father, of seven of my nine children. They have thanked me, hugged me, and asked me to give messages to their kiddos. They have introduced me to their boyfriends, mothers, cousins, and sisters. They have never once treated me poorly or been unkind. It is hard, at times, to remember that no matter what these mamas have done to or have failed to do for their children, they are still human beings who deserve respect, similar to what they give me.

Imagine my surprise during this thought process when the door to the waiting room at the CPS office opens and in walk the parents of Gentlemen Tall and Short. They took one look at me and said: Tammy! Oh, you'll get to see the boys! The mom hugged me. The dad shook my hand. The kids came running in seconds later with big open arms, ready to hug and with plenty of stories to tell me about their new school.

As they ran off to visit with their family, Sass and her mother came out. We walked toward the exit and Sass' mom stopped me and said: She is doing so great. Thank you.

So yet again, I am surprised. Surprised by the respect they feel for me and by the compassion I feel for them. Surprised. And thankful.